Second Innings

Divorce is not the end…..but rather a new beginning

Divorce Recovery 101…You are not alone

Hello friends, welcome to my first blog post. My name is Julian, and I want to join you on your journey. You will have found this blog because we already have something in common. Something that has rocked our very foundations, and set us back a few years, perhaps. Something that we may feel, has crushed our spirits, and stripped away our happiness and security.

Divorce must really be one of the toughest challenges one can go through in life. When this happens to you – it can really feel like the end of the world, and life as you know it… over! Emotions ranging from panic, to anger, to sadness, to desperation, to helplessness, etc, etc seem to engulf you. You may find that you can’t think straight or function properly. It could take years to try to move on with your life – and throughout this enormous uphill battle, you feel like giving up a hundred times.  Very often, the divorce not only cripples you emotionally – but also hits you like a sledgehammer, financially.

For some of us, it’s a very long road – perhaps for others, not so much. Well, I want to be by your side, and I want to let you know, that IT DOES GET BETTER, I promise you this. It may take time – but we can win our lives back – and we can – AND WILL, be happy again. We can slowly but surely, piece by piece, tiny step by tiny step, get our smiles back – and get our tails wagging again. I’ve been on this walk, my brothers – it took me over 7 years, but I can proudly stand on the rooftops today – and shout to the world……”I LOVE MY LIFE“.

This is NOT a platform where we insult or whinge and moan about our ex’s. This is a platform where we re-build ourselves. This is where we get the chance to have our 2nd innings. We build – we grow – we share – we encourage – we uplift – we laugh – we appreciate – and we move forward. Every day, we put one more piece back into our puzzle. We become better men, than we have ever been before. We learn to live by our values. We learn to do the RIGHT thing – and not the easy thing.

I am very honoured to walk your walk with you – I will walk through fire with you – I will laugh and cry with you. I will be there in your dark, tough times, and I will be there in your Gold Medal – World Cup – Champion times. Just remember – from this moment onwards….you are not alone anymore. Somebody DOES care about you. I have started this blog for YOU. Lot’s of great things to come. I welcome your questions, feedback, ideas and suggestions. I promise to be open, transparent, and honest, at all times. I will live and write by my values.

I salute you for being here. It has taken courage to come and look for this. Well done!! Let’s change the world, my friends.

Your friend, Julian

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Divorce Recovery 101…How do you eat an Elephant?

One bite at a time. A cliché, perhaps? But the truth is, my friends…….the journey of a thousand miles, really does begin with the first step. Of course you need time to understand just what kind of freight train you’ve been struck by. And of course you need time to be angry, sad, hurt, tearful, alone, scared etc.

We all have to go through these emotions (and probably even more than what I’ve listed here). We stand to lose so much at this very point in our lives. The loss I’m talking about, is stuff like : our homes, our kids, our businesses possibly, our family unit as we knew it, our circle of friends, our pride, our confidence, our self respect, our husband’ness and / or our Dad’ness. The security of all that surrounds us – and the very thing that gets us up every morning. Working, sacrificing, providing etc….all becomes a very wobbly grey area suddenly.

This is a very tough part to get beyond. There is no right or wrong length of time here. Take the time you need, and sooner or later, a tiny spark…. that comes from such a deep down place in your heart and soul…..will begin to flicker and glow (ever so dimly). And the more you feed it, the brighter it will become. Eventually, you will regain the fire in your belly that you’ve been missing for so long. You will encounter many bumps along your road, and you will have many obstacles to overcome…….but you will be able to handle it… bite at a time.

Think of your journey like this. If you have to drive your car 100 miles……at night….you obviously can’t see the whole road of 100 miles ahead of you, can you? But….your lights will shine a path of about a quarter of a mile up ahead, not so? That’s do-able. Of course we can drive a quarter of a mile with our lights shining the way for us. And as we go further down the road – our lights will shine another quarter of a mile….and so on and so on and so on….and before you know it, you are well on your way into your journey. One bite at a time.

The first actual practical thing I’d like you to do is this. I’d like you to just sit down for 2 minutes. Take up a pen / pencil and a piece of paper / notebook. I want you to write down 10 things that you are grateful for in your life right now. Just do it, trust me. They don’t have to be very profound things….just very easy, simple things, that you are thankful for. Here’s an example for you..

“I am very thankful for : my health, my sight and hearing, my hot shower, my reliable car, my friends / brothers and sisters, my comfortable bed, the food in my cupboard and fridge, the fact that I’m actually alive, the lovely flowers and trees in the garden etc etc”

Try to do this little gratitude list each day. If you can’t – then just read yesterdays one. But take that 1 tiny step each day. We have to get some “go-forward” momentum, no matter how tiny. If you do this for a couple of days – it’s just impossible not to feel better.

First step, my friends – make a conscious decision to take just 1 tiny, baby step each day. Yes, you will still feel pain and you will still hurt. But this one small action, in the right direction, will give you some much needed hope. And where there is HOPE – we can make miracles. One bite at a time.

I’ll leave you with this, my brothers….(something to think about)….If you ever go past a graveyard, have a look at all the crosses and tombstones lined up. I can bet you….that with all the problems you have in your life right now……any one, and every one, of those deceased people…will very gladly change places with you – if they could.

Let’s change the world, my friends, one bite at a time.

Your friend, Julian

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